"No."

As a parent, there are a lot of times when you have to say no.

Especially, I'm learning, when you have an [almost!] one-year-old who is just beginning to discover and explore a great big world...crawling and walking and reaching and climbing and grabbing and eating. 

He doesn't know yet what belongs to him, what belongs to others, what will hurt him, or what will hurt others.

For a while we couldn't tell if Knox understood the word NO.

But we have passed that stage. 

He definitely knows now.

When we say no now he gets a very serious look on his face and even shakes his head no along with us.

No means no.

But saying no isn't fun.  I don't think any parent enjoys saying no.   

Every day I try to look for and make a big deal of the YES's, too, so that I'm not always just saying no.

But sometimes NO is very necessary.
1.) Like when something is harmful to my child (i.e. electrical outlets, drinking daddy's coffee...);

2.) when something is harmful to others (i.e. hitting other people, pulling on mommy's earrings...); and

3.) when it's not time yet (i.e. that pile of colorfully wrapped birthday presents in mommy and daddy's room that are being saved for the BIG DAY...).

Eventually Knox will understand a little better that certain things might hurt him, or might hurt others...he will eventually learn the meaning of "wait until tomorrow."  (Although, if he's anything like his dad, he'll be asking to open his presents early for the rest of his life.)  :)

But right now he doesn't understand any of that.  He just hears NO. 

This has been intriguing for me to consider, because although God says YES to me a lot, sometimes He says NO, too.

Sometimes I don't like his rules.  Sometimes I don't like His answer to my prayer.

And like a little child, I don't understand why.  I get angry, I protest, I reach for what I want anyway.

Why can't I play with the electrical outlet?  It is (obviously) the most exciting looking item in the whole house!

I can't see that He is saying no because it is going to hurt me.  

Why can't I pull on mommy's earrings?  They're so colorful and inviting!

I can't see that He is saying no because it's going to hurt someone I love.

Why can't I tear open that bright wrapping paper?  It's TANTALIZING and it's mine, isn't it?!

I can't see that He is saying no because He has set it aside to give it to me later, on a special day.

God loves me even more than I love Knox. 

That is a lot of love.

I hope that the next time God says no to me I will hear myself saying no to Knox...and see His kind heart and loving intentions for me even when I don't fully understand the whys.

Whenever God says NO, it is because He has a big YES to give us later.

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline,
   and do not resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
   as a father the son he delights in.

Proverbs 3:11-12

Just Before the Sun Comes Up

 
4 When He had stopped speaking, He said to Simon, “Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” 

5 But Simon answered and said to Him, “Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net.” 

6 And when they had done this, they caught a great number of fish, and their net was breaking.  7 So they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink. 

8 When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!” 

9 For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish which they had taken.  

Luke 5:4-9

Does anyone else think it's a little interesting that on this particular day, when Peter leaned over the side of his boat and saw that his nets were overflowing with shiny, flapping fish, his first response was not to jump up and down for joy? 

His first response was to ask Jesus to leave him, because he was overwhelmed with a realization of how sinful he was.

That caught my attention when I read these verses the other day.


Why?  How did seeing those fish make Peter suddenly so aware of his sinfulness?

I didn't see the answer at first, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think it's because although Peter believed Jesus, and although he was obedient, he was also doubtful.

He had just sat in his boat for hours next to this man Jesus, listening to Him preaching to multitudes who were hanging on His every word, listening from the shore.

Peter was impressed by what he heard and saw in Jesus.  He knew this Jesus was no ordinary guy...that He was someone truly Special.

But Peter also knew fish.

Before Jesus asked to borrow his boat he had been just been fishing all night, and with no luck. 


There just weren't any fish to be caught. 

So when Jesus told him to row back out and drop his nets, Peter wanted to believe in this Jesus; He wanted to believe He could do something out of the ordinary...a miracle...in his life...if He wanted to.

But he was also doubtful.  Master, I'm not sure if You know this but we have just toiled all night and caught nothing.  Are you sure about this?

And even with the doubt lingering in the back of his mind, Peter decided to do what Jesus told him to do.  He obeyed.  Because he really did believe this was no ordinary man.  

...nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net.

He rowed his boat back out to sea and threw his nets overboard.

He believed.  And he obeyed.  But he also voiced some doubt. 

Sound familiar?

It does to me.

Oftentimes even in believing, and even in obeying, we doubt.


Then, when we peer over the edge of our boat and actually catch a glimpse of all the fish wriggling and jumping and tearing our nets...when God answers our prayers, when He provides for our needs, when He meets us in prayer and overwhelms us with His love...we are astonished that God actually came through for us!

And then we, like Peter, suddenly get it.

We can see so clearly, in hindsight, how wrong we were to doubt Him.

Lord, I don't deserve this!  I doubted You!!  I know who You are, I know what You can do...and yet I still doubted you.

When we see the miracle, we hang our heads in shame.

I am a sinful man, O Lord!  I don't deserve to be near You.  I doubted You.

But Jesus says,

Do not be afraid.  From now on you will catch men.  (v. 10b)

In His loving, patient, and quiet way.

Yes, I saw your doubts. I heard them.  I know how weak you are.

But I love you.  And I also saw your faith.

Don't be afraid.

From now on you will catch men.

Peter, I know I just blew you away with what I put in your net, but this is just the beginning!!!  There is so much more that I am going to do in your life!  I have a plan for you and you are going to see even bigger things than this...

Wow.  That is grace.


And so, Peter learned his lesson and never doubted Jesus again.  He lived happily ever after, trusting Jesus every time.

HA!

Nope, that line is not in there.

Peter did doubt again, many times.  But he also believed.

Months later, when Jesus told Peter to come and walk out on the water to meet Him (Matt. 14:28-32), Peter remembered all the miracles he had seen Jesus do before.  I bet the picture of all those fish filling and weighing down his boat flashed through his mind.

And he believed!  Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on the water!!

But then he looked around at his surroundings and realized what was happening (that he was walking on water!  and that there were big scary waves all around him!) and he began to doubt.

Yes Jesus had worked in the past, but this...this was way too impossible.

And he began to sink.

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matt. 14:31)

We believe, and we obey.  And yet we doubt.

It's so easy to believe Him in the part of the story where we are basking in the blessing...staring at the answer to our prayer, living our dream, leaning over the side of the boat watching the fish so plentiful that they are breaking our nets... 

But right before that, during the part of the story where we're slowly rowing out to sea for the second time in a day to throw down our nets where we know there are no fish...

That's when it's hard to believe.

Father, help us to trust You more FULLY, even in the dark hours that always come just before the sun comes up.

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!  Mark 9:24

Fire & Flood

I love Isaiah 43.  It's usually the first passage I read when I'm feeling scared, discouraged, overwhelmed or insecure.  I've picked out my favorite verses and pasted them below.

It was written to encourage the Israelites when they were in captivity in Babylon.  They were slaves.  I'm sure they didn't feel like they were "God's chosen people."  They needed a reminder of who they really were in God's eyes.  

They also needed a reminder that He was still with them even in this dark place.  He promises that He will preserve and care for them as they walk through some of the toughest days of their lives.   

This pain won't last forever, God promises them, and us.  Wait for Me!  Watch what I'm about to do!

Whenever I read the first two verses, I substitute my own own name every time it says "Jacob" or "Israel."  Try it with your name:

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, 

And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; 

I have called you by your name; You are Mine. 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. 

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, 

Nor shall the flame scorch you. 

(Isaiah 43:1,2) 

 

God knows us better than anyone.  He made us!  He knows my name and He knows your name.  We can have a real, intimate relationship with Him.  

We are HIS!

God never promises that He'll always keep the fire and flood away from us.  The fire and the flood will come.  But He does promise that if we cling to Him those painful experiences will not get the best of us.  They can't destroy us!  He will never leave us to face anything by ourselves.

He is with us. 

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These next verses remind the Israelites how God had saved them in the past.  He saved them before; He would do it again! We can use this reminder, too.  We can stop and think of all the ways God has helped us in the past; and most of all how God has saved us from the biggest fire of all: He gave Jesus for our ransom.  

He gave His Son in our place so that we could have eternal life.  This life and salvation is free to anyone who will accept it from Him!

For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, 
your Savior; 

I gave Egypt for your ransom, 

Ethiopia and Seba in your place.

Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, 

And I have loved you; 

Therefore I will give men for you, 

And people for your life.

(Isaiah 43:3,4)

Did you hear that?  The God of the universe is saying to you and to me, I have not forgotten you!  I have rescued you in the past and I will do it again.  You are precious to Me.  I love you!  I love you so much that I gave My Son to die in your place. 

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Fear not, for I am with you...

Everyone who is called by My name,  

Whom I have created for My glory; 

I have formed him, yes, I have made him.

Indeed before the day was, I am He; 

And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand; 

I work, and who will reverse it?  

(Isaiah 43:5a, 7)

We have no reason to fear.  God knows our name!  And then, when we become His children by trusting in Jesus, He gives us HIS name as well.  We are Christians.  We exist to bring Him glory.  

Have you ever wondered, "What is the meaning of life?  What is my purpose in this world?"  God tells us right here.  

He created us to bring Him glory; He chose us (!) to showcase His glory, or (as John Piper would say) His spectacularness.

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Behold, I will do a new thing,  
Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? 

I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

This people I have formed for Myself;  They shall declare My praise.

(Isaiah 43:13, 19, 21) 

When we find ourselves in the raging fire, or knocked over by stormy waves...we have hope!   It won't last forever.  God is "on the move."  

Watch for Him...and He will do something new.

Miracles & Mommy Thumb

Do miracles happen? 

Yep.  Saw one today.

You may think it's little, but to me and Josh it was huge.

My thumb/wrist has been hurting for a few months...a form of tendonitis (aka "mommy thumb") from picking up Knox all the time.  I tried several home remedies but this last week it started getting worse so we decided I really needed to go to the doctor.  I called my regular doctor but he said I should see a specialist for this. 

We were stressed out about how much this was going to cost. 

We have "insurance" but the coverage is not great.  Being here in seminary, and having me quit my job to stay home with Knox, has all been a big step of faith for us as far as money goes.  God has provided everything we need (and more) every step of the way, it's been amazing.   So I don't know why we still get worried about money, but sometimes we do.

But I definitely had to get my hand looked at, so to the doctor I went.  I was praying on my way there that it wouldn't end up costing too much.

The specialist checked it out and gave me a real brace (much better than the cheap one I tried from CVS, which only made my thumb worse) to try for a couple of weeks.  If that doesn't do it he'll have to give me a cortisone shot.  He would have given me the shot today but wanted an okay from Knox's pediatrician first since I'm still breastfeeding.

That really stressed me out.  Great, if the brace doesn't work we're going to have to pay this guy for two visits.

As I was leaving I stopped to check out and the lady started to tell how much I owed. 

Then she saw something on my chart and said, "Oh no, I guess he's not going to charge anything for today.  You're all set!"

Wow.  

Sometimes people are extra nice to seminary students but this guy didn't know we were seminary students. 

I had tears in my eyes as I rode down the elevator out of the building.  It was just a gift from God.  He takes care of us in so many ways, and today was a huge reminder of that.   I love being His child.

I have received everything in full and have an abundance; 

I am amply supplied, 

having received from Epaphroditus what you have sent, 

a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God.  

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches 

in glory in Christ Jesus.

Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever. 

Amen. 

 (Philippians 4:18-20)

Impossible Situations

We all, at one time or another, face impossible situations.

Tasks that are too big for us.  Bad habits that can't be conquered.  Employers who hang us out to dry.  Marriages that are filled with pain.  Babies that can't be conceived.  Children who ignore everything we've taught them.   Loneliness that doesn't let up.  Bills that can't be paid.  Depression that suffocates us. Sickness that threatens to destroy.  Goals that can't be met.  Dreams that aren't fulfilled...

When we meet Gideon in Judges 6, Israel was facing a very impossible situation.  The Midianites were in control and continuously ransacking and destroying them.  The Israelites had to leave their homes and hide in caves in the mountains.  Every time they tried to sow crops the Midianites would come and tear up their fields.

This went on for seven long years.  The Israelites were left without food, without safety; and almost without hope.

Almost.

Before they had turned away from God; but now, in desperation, they cried out and cried out to God to save them.  And God heard their cry.

When we are in an impossible situation, and we cry out to God, He hears our cry.

Still, when the Lord appeared to Gideon "under the terebinth tree" He didn't find what we would consider a fiery man of great faith.  God appeared to a broken man: bitter, confused, disappointed, tired and scared.  Gideon was hurt and he was angry with God.  "If the Lord is with us," he asks in 6:13, "why then has all this happened to us?  And where are all the miracles which our fathers told us about?  ...The Lord has forsaken us."


God wants to help us, even when we're struggling with doubt. 

I've been there.  Have you?

God knew the condition of Gideon's heart.  But do you know what God called him?  In verse 12 He declares, "The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!"

To me that is one of the coolest verses in the whole Bible.  I absolutely love it!  Here is Gideon.  Frustrated, disillusioned Gideon.  By his own recognition from the "weakest clan" and "least" in his father's household.  But God chooses him as His instrument and calls Gideon a mighty man of valor.

God says it again in verse 14, "Go in this might of yours and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites.  Have I not sent you?"  And in verse 16, "Surely, I will be with you, and you shall defeat the Midianites as one man."

This is grace.

We may feel weak, but the truth is that we are strong.  We are strong because He is with us.

When we are weak and wobbling, God comes down, looks us straight in the eye, and tells us:  Go in this might of yours, you mighty man of valor!  You mighty woman of valor!  You are strong because I AM WITH YOU.  I have heard your cry of despair and I want to turn your story of an impossible situation into a story of victory.

God wants to turn our impossible situation into something beautiful.

But it doesn't always happen right away.  I can only imagine what might have been going through Gideon's mind in chapter 7.

First, God tells Gideon that he has too many people in his army (7:2).  God doesn't want the Israelites to get puffed up and take the glory away from God for this victory.  So He sends 22,000 men packing for home and leaves Gideon with only 10,000.  God makes the impossible situation even more impossible.

Next, God tells Gideon that 10,000 is still too many (7:4)!  Again, He wants it to be clear that this victory is HIS, not theirs.  So God tells him to send another 9,700 men home.  This leaves Gideon with 300 men.  Three hundred men to defeat a huge army of formidable Midianites.

Gideon must have been shaking in his boots.

Sometimes just before God conquers our impossible situations He makes them even more impossible!  He doesn't want us to mistake His power for our own.

The story gets even crazier. God tells them to blow a bunch of trumpets and break some pots and yell.  That was their battle strategy (7:20).  Okay, God, sure.  If you say so...  Here we go!

It worked.

All Gideon's army of 300 did was blow their trumpets, break some pots, and yell.  And God caused the Midianite army to melt into complete chaos and self-destruction.  They fled.

God's answer to our prayer doesn't always look like we expect it to, but He always answers.

Our God is a God of impossible situations.

Jonah, Part 2 (Rated R)

You didn't know the nice little Sunday School story about Jonah and the Big Fish was rated R, did you?  Neither did I!

This isn't my usual light and fluffy blog fare, so proceed at your own risk.

Jonah 4:2 is an intriguing verse to me because it tells us why this whole fiasco with the fish and storm and everything started...why Jonah ran from God's presence and why he didn't want to go to Nineveh. 

Usually I forget about this verse, and just assume Jonah ran away because he was afraid...or just didn't feel like going to Nineveh.  Maybe he didn't like the food there?

Nope.

Jonah ran from God's presence because He was angry with God.

That makes sense.  Lots of us run from God's presence because we are angry with Him.

Here's the part that was really hard for me to understand:  Jonah was angry with God because he knew that God was loving and gracious, and that He was going to forgive the people of Nineveh if they turned from their wicked ways.

So he prayed to the Lord, "Ah, Lord, was this not what I said while I was still in my country?  Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm" (Jonah 4:2).

Seriously?!  That's why he was angry at God?  What the heck was Jonah's problem?  I realize Nineveh was Israel's enemy, but still...how cruel and bitter could Jonah be to not want God to show them any mercy?

I tried to find an application in this verse for myself, but it was hard.  I have some people I don't really like that much...I guess you could sort of call them my enemies...but I don't wish God wouldn't ever show them grace and forgiveness.  Gosh Jonah, you're a prophet.  Get it together.

I kept thinking about this verse for a couple of days after I read it.  It just didn't make sense to me.  There had to be something I was missing.  So I asked Josh what he thought about it.

Josh pulled out some notes from a class he took and showed me something I will never forget.

Nineveh, the capital of Assyria, was a WICKED city.  Grotesquely, horrifically wicked. 

So that you can see what I mean, here are some actual historical quotes from Assyrian leaders boasting of their own brutality.  And they are pretty awful.  I copied them from an article titled "Grisly Assyrian Record of Torture and Death" from the Biblical Archeology Society.

"I slew one of every two.  I built a wall before the great gates of the city; I flayed the chief men of the rebels, and I covered the wall with their skins.  Some of them were enclosed alive within the bricks of the wall, some of them were crucified with stakes along the wall; I caused a great multitude of them to be flayed in my presence, and I covered the walls with their skins."

 

"I felled 50 of their fighting men with the sword, burnt 200 captives from them, [and] defeated in a battle on the plain 332 troops...With their blood I dyed the mountain red like red wool, [and] the rest of them the ravines [and] torrents if the mountain swallowed.  I carried off captives [and] possessions from them.  I cut off the heads of their fighters and built [with them] a tower before their city.  I burnt their adolescent boys [and] girls."

"In strife and conflict I besieged the city.  I felled 3,000 of their fighting men with the sword...I captured many troops alive: I cut of some of their arms [and] hands; I cut off of others their noses, ears [and] extremities.  I gouged out the eyes of many troops.  I made one pile of the living [and] one of heads.  I  hung their heads in trees around the city."

"I cut their throats like lambs.  I cut off their precious lives [as one cuts] a string.  Like the many waters of a storm, I made [the contents of] their gullets and entrails run down upon the wide earth.  My prancing steeds harnessed for my riding, plunged into the streams of their blood as into a river.  The wheels of my chariot, which brings low the wicked and the evil, were bespattered with blood and filth.  With the bodies of their warriors I filled the plain, like grass.  Their testicles I cut off, and tore out their privates like the seeds of cucumbers."

Um, yeah.

All of a sudden, I "get" Jonah.

I'm no longer wagging my finger at him, wondering what his self-righteous problem is.  I'm standing with him now.  If those atrocities were happening anywhere near me I wouldn't want God to forgive those people, either. Even if they did turn away from their evil ways, and stop their violence (and they did; history shows that Nineveh stopped her cruelty at this time for about 100 years)!

How can God be willing to forgive and change even REALLY horrible people like those described above?

He saw a glimmer of something...crushing guilt, fear, desperation, a yearning for something true and pure and beautiful...deep in the hearts of that generation of wicked Ninevites...that no one else could see.  

There is no partiality with God.  He is, beyond anything we can ever comprehend, a God of love.

11 Quick Lessons from Jonah 1-3

Last week I read Jonah.  I love that book!  But it had been a long time since I actually read it (unless you count looking at the pictures in Knox's picture Bible). :)

I was really challenged as I read through it this time, so I thought I'd share some of what I learned.

Today I'm sharing the notes I scribbled in my Bible margin from chapters 1-3.  There are millions of things we could get from these verses, but I'm focusing on what happens when we run from God's presence. 

In my next post I'll tell you about the huge question I encountered in Chapter 4 and the (shocking!) answer Josh helped me discover!

Jonah 1-3

Am I running from God's presence?

1.) Jonah was running not just from Nineveh, where God had asked him to go. He was fleeing from God's presence.  Sometimes the "best" of us turn our backs and run from God.   

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, "Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me."  But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish [which was in the opposite direction from Ninevah]  from the presence of the Lord. (1:1-3a)

2.) God notices and mourns when we turn away from His presence.  He will do whatever it takes to get our attention back. Sometimes He sends a big storm into our lives.

But the Lord sent out a great wind on the sea, and there was a mighty tempest on the sea, so that the ship was about to be broken up. (1:4)

3.) When we run from God, we become apathetic.  Tired.  We don't care any more.  We try to hide.

But Jonah had gone down into the lowest parts of the ship, had lain down, and was fast asleep. (1:5)

 4.) But we can't hide from God.  I can just imagine what was running through Jonah's mind as the sailors began to cast lots: "Surely they won't find out this is all because of me.  Surely this casting lots thing won't actually work." But God allowed it to.  And all fingers pointed to Jonah.

And they said to one another, "Come, let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this trouble has come upon us." So they cast lots, and the lot fell on Jonah. (1:7)

5.) God can use our hugest failures to show others His strength and power. 

So they picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea, and the sea ceased its raging.  Then the men feared God exceedingly and offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows. (1:16)

6.) We never surprise God.  He is already ready and waiting - with grace! - for the worst we can throw at Him.  And His grace sometimes comes in...unlikely...forms.  Sometimes we don't recognize that the big fish that just ate us is a gift of grace and deliverance.

Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow Jonah. (1:17)

7.)  Eventually, when God finally gets our attention again...we reach out to Him.  We respond once again with an expression of faith.  We turn back toward His presence.

Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the fish's belly...Yet I will look again toward Your holy temple. (2:1,4)

8.) God sees our change of heart.  He hears our prayer and He rescues us!

So the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. (2:10)

9.) God gives us a second chance!!!

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the second time, saying, "Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and preach to it the message that I tell you." (3:1)

10.) We end up exactly where God wants us to be.  Why do we sometimes choose to take the hard way?

So Jonah arose and went to Nineveh... (3:2)

11.) God wants to use us...imperfect, hard-headed us...in big ways, for His glory!

So the people of Nineveh believed God...! (3:5)