Just Before the Sun Comes Up

 
4 When He had stopped speaking, He said to Simon, “Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” 

5 But Simon answered and said to Him, “Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net.” 

6 And when they had done this, they caught a great number of fish, and their net was breaking.  7 So they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both the boats, so that they began to sink. 

8 When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!” 

9 For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish which they had taken.  

Luke 5:4-9

Does anyone else think it's a little interesting that on this particular day, when Peter leaned over the side of his boat and saw that his nets were overflowing with shiny, flapping fish, his first response was not to jump up and down for joy? 

His first response was to ask Jesus to leave him, because he was overwhelmed with a realization of how sinful he was.

That caught my attention when I read these verses the other day.


Why?  How did seeing those fish make Peter suddenly so aware of his sinfulness?

I didn't see the answer at first, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think it's because although Peter believed Jesus, and although he was obedient, he was also doubtful.

He had just sat in his boat for hours next to this man Jesus, listening to Him preaching to multitudes who were hanging on His every word, listening from the shore.

Peter was impressed by what he heard and saw in Jesus.  He knew this Jesus was no ordinary guy...that He was someone truly Special.

But Peter also knew fish.

Before Jesus asked to borrow his boat he had been just been fishing all night, and with no luck. 


There just weren't any fish to be caught. 

So when Jesus told him to row back out and drop his nets, Peter wanted to believe in this Jesus; He wanted to believe He could do something out of the ordinary...a miracle...in his life...if He wanted to.

But he was also doubtful.  Master, I'm not sure if You know this but we have just toiled all night and caught nothing.  Are you sure about this?

And even with the doubt lingering in the back of his mind, Peter decided to do what Jesus told him to do.  He obeyed.  Because he really did believe this was no ordinary man.  

...nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net.

He rowed his boat back out to sea and threw his nets overboard.

He believed.  And he obeyed.  But he also voiced some doubt. 

Sound familiar?

It does to me.

Oftentimes even in believing, and even in obeying, we doubt.


Then, when we peer over the edge of our boat and actually catch a glimpse of all the fish wriggling and jumping and tearing our nets...when God answers our prayers, when He provides for our needs, when He meets us in prayer and overwhelms us with His love...we are astonished that God actually came through for us!

And then we, like Peter, suddenly get it.

We can see so clearly, in hindsight, how wrong we were to doubt Him.

Lord, I don't deserve this!  I doubted You!!  I know who You are, I know what You can do...and yet I still doubted you.

When we see the miracle, we hang our heads in shame.

I am a sinful man, O Lord!  I don't deserve to be near You.  I doubted You.

But Jesus says,

Do not be afraid.  From now on you will catch men.  (v. 10b)

In His loving, patient, and quiet way.

Yes, I saw your doubts. I heard them.  I know how weak you are.

But I love you.  And I also saw your faith.

Don't be afraid.

From now on you will catch men.

Peter, I know I just blew you away with what I put in your net, but this is just the beginning!!!  There is so much more that I am going to do in your life!  I have a plan for you and you are going to see even bigger things than this...

Wow.  That is grace.


And so, Peter learned his lesson and never doubted Jesus again.  He lived happily ever after, trusting Jesus every time.

HA!

Nope, that line is not in there.

Peter did doubt again, many times.  But he also believed.

Months later, when Jesus told Peter to come and walk out on the water to meet Him (Matt. 14:28-32), Peter remembered all the miracles he had seen Jesus do before.  I bet the picture of all those fish filling and weighing down his boat flashed through his mind.

And he believed!  Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on the water!!

But then he looked around at his surroundings and realized what was happening (that he was walking on water!  and that there were big scary waves all around him!) and he began to doubt.

Yes Jesus had worked in the past, but this...this was way too impossible.

And he began to sink.

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matt. 14:31)

We believe, and we obey.  And yet we doubt.

It's so easy to believe Him in the part of the story where we are basking in the blessing...staring at the answer to our prayer, living our dream, leaning over the side of the boat watching the fish so plentiful that they are breaking our nets... 

But right before that, during the part of the story where we're slowly rowing out to sea for the second time in a day to throw down our nets where we know there are no fish...

That's when it's hard to believe.

Father, help us to trust You more FULLY, even in the dark hours that always come just before the sun comes up.

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!  Mark 9:24